24 hours, 1440 Minutes, 86400 seconds to be precise impressed? (yes I googled it.) So on this so called spare 1440 minutes what were people doing? A day of charity, chocolate or Jeremy Kyle no doubt. It’s not so much the bank holiday that annoys me, more the panic buying or bread milk and everything else with 1 pence of at the supermarket. Like there’s going to be some kind of bank holiday apocalypse and we’ll all have to live under ground for a few months without running water and a designated place to poop.
I’ve nearly forgotten the bank holiday sales, buy or thing at 10% off the already inflated 20% more expensive price else where! Forget any hope of finding a car park space, or even any employee at the shop you were intending of going. Better of placing bets of which eye you’ll poke yourself in first.
As an Apple fan it almost pains me to do this, but has the world gone mad? Just seen a article about a bloke (a self employed builder) in Birmingham whos camped somewhere in the Bullring to be the first guy to buy an iPhone 6. Not meaning to sound harsh – well yes actually I am, but what the actual f*ck? If someone offered me unlimited cider, a winning lottery ticket or a night with 4 swedish blonde women, I’d perhaps last 3 hours before the thought of pizza took over. Three whole days of your life wasted waiting outside a shop, to buy something put together from precious metals you didn’t know existed by kids in China. It would appear the world has gone mad, yet I just remain hungry. I’d sooner be fat and sane, than stupid.
Sometimes I get asked if I’m single. Fair enough, I’ll quite happily tell and talk to most people but I’m really started to get very annoyed by the reactions I get when I say I’m single. I suppose if I were to personify it, think of going to a dog rescue place, you know that sympathetic ….”awww why hasn’t no one taken you home let?” yeah that’s the one, or that face you make when you stand on a snail. Almost immediately after the dog home snail face, you get the look up and down like some kind of airport scanner (except they aren’t looking for IED’s – they’re looking for an extra leg, birth mark the size of your mum or a third nipple).
There nothing more annoying then a game of Chinese whispers you weren’t invited to. When things are said across/through/between people so many times that no one can really remember what was said or who said it. But why do all of this if your message and intentions become crowded and a waste of time. It’s like asking someone you don’t know to pick a drink for you in pub, and ending up with a pack of pork scratchings and a black eye.
If you have something to say, say it. Nothing great was ever achieved by whispering.
No its not that your appointments due its time to rewind time to avoid them again. Had a call last week from the dentist saying I hadn’t been in awhile (naughty of me I know) but in all honesty why would I want to? I mean it no wonder no one ever really wants to go is it? you sit there in some decrepit room wondering where all the stains on the wall come from (where they from people who tried to crawl their way out to escape the boredom?) sitting in whats possibly the most uncomfortable chair know to man (a pile of sharp rocks in the corner would be better) you have only two more things to do, stare and anxious victim, I mean patient next to you whilst giving them the “this is rather crap” smile, or pickup a copy of the National Geographic magazine which is so old half the animals featured are now extinct.
Personally I want a pool table, darts board and a few tablets to play with in the room, some up to date newspapers, maybe a tv screen featuring news headlines that I can moan about, is that too much to ask?
Dear Tesco, please stop with this pathetic attempt to impress customers by bragging you open 24 Hours, when you actually don’t. How you’ve got away with this for so long I’ll never know but I’m fairly certain had it have been any other company they would be six feet under by now.
So from now on whenever I say 24, I actually mean 16 or there abouts.